Thinking one day you’re just going to wake up and feel differently about me scares me so much. It hurts when I randomly think about it. I’m trying so hard not to think that my past will repeat itself but with it happening a few times already, I’m terrified. Being so insecure, it’s holding me back. But I’m trying so hard.
It does hurt me a little when you won’t talk to me about the things that bother you because it makes me feel like you don’t trust me. I always notice when you’re not happy and thinking about something. But sometimes I don’t say anything. Not because I don’t want to, but because it hurts when you just tell me it’s nothing or that you don’t want to talk about it. I’ll respect it though, and I’ll continue to respect the fact that you don’t want to talk.
I hope someday you’ll feel like you can talk to me about the things that bother you though. I don’t want you to keep holding things in and letting them eat you up inside. I’m here for you and I want to be there for you.
Dear Future Soulmate,
I’m clingy, but I’ll never admit it. I’ll check my phone every 5 minutes to see if you’ve replied to something I’ve drafted numerous times in my head. I’ll get anxious when you don’t answer me back for a long time, and I’ll think to myself maybe you’ve had enough of me. Yet when your message finally comes, it doesn’t matter what you’ve said because the simple act of replying assures me that you’re still mine. At least, for the time being it will.
I’ll get jealous a lot, but please don’t misconstrue it as me tying you down. I won’t get jealous because I want you all to myself, no. I want you to be able spend time with family, friends, and everyone else in between. I’ll get jealous because maybe, just maybe you’ll find something special in someone else, as you did with me. I’ll be weary that maybe you’ll look at someone just as how you look at me, or your heart will begin to wander somewhere else.
I’m insecure, and it’s of no fault of your own. When I say something a little negative about myself, it’s not a cry for attention nor is it me wanting you to disagree with me. It’s me just being me. Before you, I’ll probably never imagine in a million years that you’d be mine. So by virtue of the fact that we’re together makes me even more insecure. But let me make something clear, I won’t be bagging on myself all the time. I know what talents I possess, what I excel in, the aspects in my physique that work in my favor, and so on. I’m just more vocal on the things which fall in the opposite categories.
I’ll possess many faults, and I’m not looking for you to fix them. I think when I finally meet you, I’ll be more accepting of these faults than I am now. All I’m asking is that you accept them with me.
I know this letter seems to be focusing on the negative things about me, and it’s quite a bit to take in… so let me make a change of pace.
I’ll always love you. When we’re finally acquainted, and we finally begin to personify the definition of love for one another, I’ll never need another definition. I’ve told myself countless times that I would never cheat on someone because I know what that feels like. I’ll love you more than I love myself and I know that isn’t too great but that’s just how I am. I’m going to fall in love with the way your smile dances across your face every time you see me, I’ll fall in love with the way you lose yourself in the things you love, I’ll fall in love with the way your voice fluctuates depending on how you’re feeling, I’ll fall in love with the way you say my name, and I’ll most definitely fall in love with so much more. I’ll study everything about you, I’ll remember the slightest details about you and your life. I’ll know what you look like when you’re upset without you having to say a word, I’ll know how you like your coffee in the morning, I’ll know how long it takes you to get ready before we go out, I’ll know most of the trivial things about you and the rest I’ll learn along the way. I pray you’ll be able to do the same as well.If you’re still reading, and you haven’t run away… I’ll probably be sitting across from you looking insanely nervous and insecure. I’d be sitting with my legs folded under me on the chair anxiously waiting for your reaction. On top of that I’ll probably be ready to burst into tears of happiness or tears of sadness.
So to end this letter, which my actual soulmate will read once the time comes… I’d like to say thank you. Thank you for giving me a reason to live again, thank you for proving to me that love really is meant for me, and thank you for being my reason to be alive.
Love, Your Future Soulmate
— (via brandello)
I want to make you happy. I wish I could say that I feel like I do, but honestly, most of the time I don’t… People keep asking us what we are or when we’re going to be “official.” I say to ask you because although I do believe you like me, I don’t know if you’re going to stay much longer… i don’t like it when you’re always on your phone because I never know if you’re talking to someone else or not. And honestly, that would break me. I’ve had it happened to me too many times and it’s not a great feeling… I don’t go through your phone or anything though because even with the idea that there’s soMeone else always on the back of my mind, I want to trust that there isn’t. I want you to stay though. I really do. I hate myself when you’re frustrated with me because I don’t want you to be. I want to help take away stress and problems in your life, not add to it.
I really like you. And it’s been a while since I’ve felt this way about anyone. I’m terrified of getting hurt, but I want to believe you won’t hurt me. I want you to open up to me. I want to know your fears, your worries, everything. I know I don’t open up yo you either and I’m not doing that because you don’t, I’m just saying I wish you did. I want you to feel that I’m someone you can talk to, and I want you to trust that I won’t do anything to intentionally hurt you, because I would never.
I know it’s not easy, but I hope someday you trust and believe in me enough to know I won’t be like those from your past..
I’m going to say things that will hurt you.
It doesn’t mean I do it intentionally.
I’m going to make it seem like I don’t care.
It doesn’t mean I do it purposely and that I don’t care.
I’m going to do and say a lot of things that will make you think I don’t believe in you.
It doesn’t mean I don’t.
There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me still. The reason why I do and say things that are not,… Well, nice. But I’m not using it as an excuse. There is no excuse for me to take things out on you or to put you down or hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you or make it seem like things are your fault. It really hurts me when I do that… And I sincerely apologize for it. All of it. I hope you know I will support any decision you make. Even if I don’t like it, or feel that it may not be the best choice, I will support you completely. I’m proud of all the things you do and I love the way you’re always wanting to do more. Sometimes I just think you need to take it easy and not stress yourself out, that’s all. But I am sorry for the lack of support that I show. Slowly I’m opening up to you. One of these days I’m sure I’ll just breakdown and let you in and you’ll know almost every reason why I act the way I do. I’m working on not letting it affect how I am towards you though. Just be patient with me, please. I promise I’ll be a better person.
A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.
— Unknown (via words-of-emotion)
I’ve spent most of my life and most of my friendships holding my breath and hoping that when people get close enough they won’t leave, and fearing that it’s a matter of time before they figure me out and go.
— Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet (via gettingahealthybody)
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I’d hoped to give you forever.
— The Notebook (via psych-facts)